Make a Plan or Make Peace
My youngest sister and I will talk some mornings before work. We catch up on updates about our families or happenings with work. We are both social workers (let the record show, I take credit for her professional path). While I’m solely self-employed now and she helps lead a large non-profit organization, we have shared experiences that we can discuss together, because regardless, people are people and we interact with them daily. We were recently recounting an interaction with someone and while I can’t remember the specifics, the underlining issue was this person was distraught about their circumstances, yet they weren’t doing anything about it. That’s when my sister said wise words that struck me, “They should make a plan or make peace with it.” I immediately thought (and maybe said) “that’s going to be my next blog”.
How many times do we hear or even verbalize a complaint about current circumstances? Do any of the following sound familiar? An unhappy relationship. Feeling unfulfilled at work. Dissatisfaction with a boss or family member. Distress over a deadline or project or unrealistic expectations. Discontentment with something happening physically or emotionally or both. Things aren’t moving fast enough or they’re moving too fast. You fill in the blank…The list goes on and on.
It is easy to complain about whatever we are facing. It takes more effort to do something about it. Last week during a meeting, someone shared the term “path dependent” with me. It made me think about schools I’ve worked with in the past who are provided supports and resources to make changes in their culture and climate to improve the learning environment for their staff and students (and students’ families), yet they end up staying in the same place. Perhaps they make small incremental or temporary changes but not systemic improvements that are sustainable. It reiterates that change is hard. And even though it’s desired, it is easier to make excuses, stay in the status quo, and complain instead.
That is what my sister and I discussed; how challenging it is to be the recipient of the disgruntled expressions while not witnessing any action. If you aren’t happy what are you doing about it? You get to choose, either surrender and get happy or determine your next steps. If you know things could be better what are you doing to get there? I know I have sat in my discontentment before, hoping things would magically improve. And then eventually coming to the realization that things weren't going to change. So I had a choice. I could just stay put in the situation, knowing this is how things were going to be and get ok with it, make peace. Or I could make a plan to improve my surroundings. I learned during that time that you only change when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing.
So as we look ahead to the start of a new school year, first I hope you’ve had some refreshing down time. Secondly, I hope you can take this idea with you. You have a choice. You can remain as you are and come to peace with it. Or if you are burdened by some circumstance in your life, can you find the strength to make a plan? How can you change the situation? Give yourself permission to find your voice, take back your power and look for your way around or out of the place you find yourself. There is always a solution, it may not be obvious, but it will come with mindful attention. Either way, my wish for you is peace.